Will The Next President Please Stand Up

I find it real funny that Filipinos seem to be so excited with the inauguration (which I missed). I have seen this kind of Euphoria when GMA raised her hand and promised to serve our country almost a decade ago. Everybody was thinking the country will be better if she will handle it rather than a gambit like Pres Erap Estrada.

The thing is no matter what anybody does right now the country is in such deep shit and I mean deeeep. Nobody can straighten everything even if they try to do it in a lifetime. Even the likes of Jose Rizal and Andres Bonifacio failed.

Almost everybody expects mediocrety. I remember the reaction of people when MMDA was cleaning the sidewalks. They won't budge. Tsk tsk tsk and to think Bayani was just doing his job. We all rave that Marikina has improved a lot but it was because the people really wants change. A clean out like what happened during Ondoy should have been one of the greates catalyst of change but it should have been pushed by the government.

Everyone is hopeful and expecting a lot from this government, but they don't need to blame government for everything. They blame whoever is in the position, but they forget to look what they have been doing.

No matter who sits in Malacanang he will be ridiculed more than upliftted. I just hope that the color yellow will be the color of hope and sunlight. I hope it will be the color of happiness and success. I am still skeptic. President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo was just booed earlier, I don't know how she feels but I think she is partly relieved. Because she has passed on all the burden to the new president. I hope he is ready.

Nothing

What the hell will you do if you dont want to do anything? Right now when we say nothing it means a lot of things. If they ask you what you are doing and you say nothing, you probably are sitting in front of a computer checking your facebook account or blogging. If they ask what's for Dinner and you hear the response nothing, it could mean, sardines, egg or noodles. If they ask you what you will do when you leave the house you say the magic word again - nothing. It means I will go to a friends house, or do window shopping.

Nothing is such a strong word.

What is your problem? Nothing (often times there is)
What is your problem with me? Nothing (often times it means everything)
What are you thinking? Nothing (I am thinking about nothing?)
What are you wearing? Nothing hmmm Now that's something :)

So from nowon Lazy joyz will not use Nothing as an answer, at least I can still you my fave line next to nothing "I don't know"

What am I blogging about again? Nothing

HALT

Stopped posting
Stopped exercise
Stopped dieting

I cannot help it I'm lazy
I'm still contemplating on getting a new job
I know my mom is worried that I will stay a bum
I think she forgot that it was her idea that I resign in the first place
I haven't even been home for a month yet.
I have a friend who was a bum for 6 moths another for 8 months and I have never been a bum.
She is aksing me why I don't want to go back to the university when it was her who gave up on supporting my studies.
I remember the night she told me that she has spent enough on my education and she needs to support my sis this time. I should work to study.

I have been working ever since I can remember. I take a months rest and she is already frantic. That's why I hate her. Yes I love her but I hate her.
I am what I am because of her, of course she won't admit it but I tend to be selfdestructive out of spite.
I don't want to graduate because I don't think it is worth it.

I never felt her real concern, it was like she is doing everything because it is her duty not because she truly cares. She never made time she never made any effort to get close to me. May be becase I am the eldest and I robbed them off their dreams. I feel it. I always have. I am like their mistake and they are straightening it up with my two sibs.

I studied at a private school, always ashamed and deprived because I don't know why I was there. I don't belong. I envy my classmates. They have pretty ribbons on their hair. Beautiful toys and things. New uniforms and nice skin. Eveyday is a struggle and I had to face it alone. They never explained to me anything at that age. I would have understand, I was very intelligent. They should have assured me that it's ok not to have material things. I was awarded 1st honor when I was in kinder because my adviser pities me. I was actually her favorite because I stand out in the sea of rich kids. I remember that everything I own is simple.

We were poor but not very poor. I remember jumping up and down just because they bought a liter bottle of Coca Cola. I remember one christmas party (kinder 1) that I don't have anything new or nice to wear. My mom told my dad to buy me something, so when I saw the new shirt and skirt I was so excited to wear it, even of it hasn't been washed yet. I remember that the top was red with fraction shapes and the skirt was white with the same design, I went to school feeling all pretty when a classmate approached me at the door to say "Why are you wearing houseclothes (pambahay)? " I didn't answer. I don't know what to say. Then he continued by saying, "You are not wearing a party dress." I don't know how I handled it but I was scarred for life. I remember my adviser was so proud of me when I was awarded on the stage. I felt the love. I remember getting excited when its a classmate's birthday because that meas we will have food and party in the class.

When I was in K2 I remember my first day, I was seated in between Arel and Justine when he told me that I am rich, I asked why, he said, "Because I have so many coins on my legs (he was referring to my scars)"

It didn't affect me at the time, but knowing now that I remember all of it makes me realized it was a traumatic childhood. I probably hate my mom because she left me at school from 12nn to 4pm which is like eternity to a child, I don't have money or food, I have to find ways to kill that time. I spent time in the library and talked to vendors. They became my friend I talk them and watch people buy their peddle. if I'm lucky they even give me free taste. I wish I could talk to them now and say thank you.

I am crying as I type all these because I still feel it all. No wonder I leaned towards earning my own money at an early age. I preferred buying stuff on my own. I save up for my birthday parties. I treat my sister and brother if I can. I want them to feel the little luxuries of life that I didn't have. I hope they won't feel the way I did. I probably need therapy to get over this. I will know I'm all good if I graduate, accept my parents efforts and just be the intelligent and hopeful parson that I always was.

I have dried my eyes.

Are you insane?

Insanity workout is from Shaun T a fitness guru who is also the mind behind Hiphop abs. If HipHp Abs is supposed to be a dance work out video, Insanity is a military training video. It will ask you to push yourself to the limits and make you go insane in the process. I have been looking for it online and somebody posted a link somewhere. I have yet to try it and commit to it for 60 days. I saw the sample moves on Tyra show and it seems easy but when I sa wthe people who finished it. I started to doubt myself. Thay are already trainers, coaches and gym buffs before they started. They are sweating and pushing really hard along the whole process, how is someone like me going to manage this?

I will have to wait and check myself if I can do it. I am not that insane yet.

What is your dream job as a child?

What ?

I honestly don't remember. Most of us would be giving a vague answer and say as long as I have lots of money in my hands I'm good, and you become a bank teller.

We are often told that our college degree will dictate our future and success. It is not often true most people doesn't really know what they want in life at the age of 18 but are expected to commit to an academic discipline that will mould them for their future jobs. It is not something we should be ashamed of, some people die not knowing what they want to be, I just hope they died trying to know.

These are some of the most unpopular courses:

Library Science - no it is not only to be a Librarian, it is for someone who is very organized, it has many major subjects that teach computer softwares and application many companies hire people that will organize their filing system and not very many people are equipped for it.

Home Economics - it is often underrated because it is associated with housework. It is actually a very organized discipline that deals with the basic necessities in life and how to manage resources, it is like an entrepreneurship course because it encompasses supply and demand, needs and solutions

Sports Science - yes it is PE but it is a premed course. It is an organized study of the body fitness and health most people who graduated here are fitness gurus and consultants, it is quite in demand eversince the revolution of health and wellness has been established

Social Welfare and Development - no it is just not volunteer work, it is all about the study of society and the common problems how it can be addressed, most graduates are granted scholarships abroad and work for companies like UN and WHO

English can be applied in the Mass Communication Field

Foreign Language depends on the Lanuage of expertise

others: Anthropology, Socioloy, Philippine studies, Philosophy, Statistics, Math, Marine Biology, Music etc

There are just so many options to choose from, and remember that 2 years are alloted for general subjects so that you can see what you are really interested in.

I remember now my dream job, I wanted to be a weather girl too bad weather report on Daily News Report has been scraped off

Unknown

Sometimes we tend to decide on things without knowing what influenced our decision. We just assumed that we are following our intuition (which is common for women). Another case would be not decide to do something just because we are listening to our gut feeling. It is not fair to just leave it like that. We don't do something because somewhere in the universe we are hearing a silent whisper that we are not suppose to do it or we do certain things because there is a nagging voice inside our head that tells us we just have do it.

This voice, is the summary of all the uncertainties and unknown. We are most afraid of the unknown. We are often blaming the uncertainties of life if our choices turned out worse results. In my case I am often afraid to take risks not because I don't want to fail, I just don't know what will happen. It is often something bigger than us like a blackhole that sucks life out of us. We think we can handle it, we are better than it, and we have managed to face it bravely but the truth is we are are under its mercy. I have to stop now

I am breaking out of my rut.

I started by watching chick flicks, I realized that it has a certain effect on my mood. Strange as it may seem the hollywood formula for chick flicks can make you laugh, cry and fall in love in a matter of 2 hours max.

I watched a Korean movie which I avoid because I cannot keep up with the subtitles. But when I watched it I realized that I a actually a fast reader. Windstruck is such a nice movie. It makes me want to feel giddy and excited to be with a guy in a very PG way.

I am planning to move out soon. so that I can be more mature and really independent. I hate this pseudo independent claim, when I still live off my parents income.

Work out more than once a day. I realized that I don't hate working out, but I hate sweating. I haven't been doing strenous activities that will make me perspire for quite sometime now thus I have a deepwell of sweat that I need to get rid off. I am like a sponge and I have to squeeze all the excess water reatined by my body.

Because of limited resources I can only do all these in the meantime. But I know the list will be long!!!

Thiz iz it!!!

Today, I started the day right

I woke up early to exercise,and just as I have expected, I am unfit to finish a 30 min work out. I used to finish 3 sets of 30 min work outs befre, then I can still do some sit ups, lunges and crunches. Now I cannot finish a 30min work out!!! It was only 3 mins and 55 seconds left when I realized that my heart and lungs cannot take it anymore, I would have pushed for it but I have decided against it. It feels like my heart and lungs are going to burst. So I stopped.

Hey, that wasn't so bad

I watched what I ate for the day and ended up eating a whole can of tuna, 1 cup of rice a small longganiza, 3 glasses of iced tea oh and yes 2 small Bonita burger

Hey, that wasn't so bad

I went to church after a long hiatus, I paid attention.

Hey, that was't so bad

If I can do something like this on a daily basis I am going to be a better version of me sooner than I expected.

I watched a few movies and it all seem to have one theme, Up in the Air, Julie/Julia, Revolutionary Road, doing something differently. We are often stuck in a rut doing nothing and we have been so used to it that we think it's ok. Unless something good comes out of it we should really work our way out of it. Next thing you know the high school reunion is coming up and you have nothing to show for the decade lost. George Clooney's character has 10,000miles travelled alone, under his name; Amy Adams worked for a company and buried her dreams to write, Leonardo di Caprio's character has not realized what he wanted to do because he decided to just provide for his family.

I have been working for almost 10 years now with no promotion, no title, no savings, no investment and no fulfillment. I have buried my dreams to be a successful entrepreneur and to write, because I was busy working. I miss the drive to be somebody, to do something enthusiastically, to have an adrenaline rush just because I am doing something I love.

My dreams are there, I just got busy along the way, I might have had a few stops and pauses but I think it is all part of the journey. I have never forgotten that I always wanted to be successful no matter what. I just forgot to give myself a deadline.

This is it.